Below is the comment I made on a fellow blogger’s post about Affiliate Marketing, I won’t name him because he’s a good guy. I have become increasingly concerned about the increasing number of false ‘likes’ my posts receive… IE, bloggers ‘liking’ several posts within seconds meaning they haven’t actually read them. This is manipulation. Are you OK with this? I’m not, so I said so. I am searching for and attracting readers and not just followers or those who click ‘like’. My blog consists of my thoughts, my experience and yes, sometimes my pain. I want to explore this condition that we all share of being human. I want us all to grow together, learn, exchange knowledge, promote bonafide services and yes, make a little money if we can – this is security. We all deserve this.
So here is that comment and I hope it helps:
That doesn’t clear things up for me (BLOGGER’S NAME) – Because you still don’t explain WHAT it is you are selling. Also, I notice that people signed up with the Empower Network/Project A.W.O.L - ‘like’ several of my posts within 60 seconds so they must either be REALLY fast readers OR – They are dishonestly building their networks by manipulating blogging and the people who write those blogs. This may make sound business sense, but it goes against everything I have heard you say about compassion and kindness.
Here’s an example:
Three guys promoting Empower click ‘Like’ on several of my posts, three of which were explaining my personal suffering, loss, physical and mental breakdown and lack of money. I then get ‘tricked’ into clicking on their blogs to see what they are about – they want me to pay them $25 to sign up for something I know little about. Except here’s the thing… I have NO money. Not a little, not low on cash – NONE.
I want you to imagine this. Feel it. Sense it.
On a scale of 1-10, has your anxiety/fear gone UP… or DOWN. Has this way of doing business left you feeling empowered – or manipulated?
The affiliate links on my posts are clearly marked and are to physical products related to the post that people will or will not buy anyway. I haven’t made a penny from it yet (it’s a new addition) BUT I would much rather build from the ground up in honesty and integrity, than trick people who may be so desperate that they buy a ‘dream’ from me that I have no right to be selling.
I hope that helps, is understood and is sent with much love.
<<<NB: The above post is a ‘sticky’ permanent fixture… Brand New Posts Below!>>>
Sure – maybe an odd post for a guy to write, but I awoke this morning with a memory from years back when I did a course on TV and Video Production. At a production meeting I remember watching and listening to the exchange of ideas and the guys (7 including me) and girls (2) were expressing their ideas of where they saw the production going. Except – only the guys were heard. It was the weirdest thing, the girls would suggest an idea to a deafening silence, then minutes later a guy would suggest THE SAME idea to a resounding; ‘yeah cool, that’s a great idea!’ WTF??!!
THIS IS CALLED ‘FEMALE INVISIBILITY’
and it still goes on today.
I watched the girls’ reaction – they nodded at each other as if to say ‘yeah, that’s no surprise’ and then they both looked down. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut so after this happened three times I chipped in: ‘Sarah just suggested that a few minutes ago’. Guess what happened?
I TOO BECAME INVISIBLE
It was the strangest thing – I went from being heard, taking part in the conversation – to nothing. The guys appeared to not hear a word I had said. I was mad but also fascinated at just how STUPID these guys really were – truly stupid!
Some days later, I was chatting to the same two ladies when I brought the issue up: ‘That’s normal’. One of them said ‘It’s nothing new’ the other said. I was having none of that: ‘Well do you want me to bring it up at the next meeting?’ I asked. They both looked exhilarated: ‘Yes!’ they both said – so I did:
“At the last meeting I noticed that whenever Sarah and Jo suggested an idea, they were completely ignored, then one of you suggested the exact same idea moments later and it was well received” The guys genuinely looked confused apart from two – one of which looked guilty (my interpretation) and the other laughed out loud in the most patronising tone I could have punched him.
“Do you think the same?” The patronising guy asked the female colleagues.
“No” They both said.
I was fuming – confused – upset – but I got why they couldn’t speak up.
Afterwards I challenged them on letting me down (this is how I felt, however misguided) and they both confirmed that there was no point.
Were they right?
On the one hand I understand that sense of lethargy, pointlessness and sense of isolation – even when help does come – it seems that we have no energy left to respond to that help. But what about when we do have the energy???
What is the solution?
Is there a solution?
I would really like to know your thoughts….
Following on from yesterday – it depends on your need to disappear and why. I am sharing my own experiences with you and so my needs will be different from your own.
The ‘How To’ title is very tongue in cheek… I’m not an expert… However – This guy is: Frank M. Ahearn, let him tell you in his professional opinion how you do it.
I do not owe money to the government (a corporation registered as such for profit, yes, it is), I do not owe money to anyone else that I’m not paying back, I am not being stalked, I am not running from a violent relationship – so my reasons are purely Spiritual. I know – weird word to use in such circumstances don’t you think? But it felt right so I ran with it.
I am simply getting off the grid to the level that feels ‘right’ – not necessarily comfortable – but RIGHT.
So I now have no landline telephone number, I do not give my address out, I have a pre-pay mobile phone and a pre-pay credit card. I still have a bank account (although there’s no money in it!) but I am working on that – if anyone has any ideas how to live practically without one, hit me up. What ‘disappear’ has meant for me is this:
I am less accessible to the people who drain me – which makes me more accessible to the people who genuinely need my help OR who genuinely enjoy my company (and visa versa). Really simple? Well yes, for me it was… in the end
There are other measures I have taken to preserve my privacy, most of which I won’t share with you – it’s up to you to research that. The search engine I use is: ixquick – they do not record or store any of your information. Fact.
Now, moving swiftly on to why I have done this, here I will share with you how I am feeling now, following being forced into changing my lifestyle and following realising what I needed to do in order to bring this about:
- I go to bed late, safe in the knowledge no-one will be knocking on my door
- I wake up mid-morning – as above
- I can afford the healthy, organic food I enjoy to eat and my body needs
- I can afford to live where I am living – easily
- I have no TV – Heaven!
- The phone rings only when I decide to switch it on – Heaven!
- I talk with people when I choose to
- I write, paint, dance, dream and love as much as I want and when I want
- I know who I am.
It was the space that enabled me to re-discover this. It was ‘disappearing’ that gave me my power back. It was being free from distractions, opinions and manipulation that reminded me that being a wage slave was their plan – not mine.
Enjoy your freedom, however you choose to create it.
Further Reading US: (Affiliate Link)
Further Reading UK: (Same)
Have you noticed time moving faster? Even when I am in the lowest of moods (when time usually appears to slow) I still am surprised by the arrival of dusk, the rumbling of my stomach doesn’t seem to make sense, until I notice: ‘God, it’s nearly time for bed and I haven’t eaten yet!’
This was predicted.
Go with it.
I was having CBT today (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, not the other CBT ) and the therapist described me as someone who: “Doesn’t stay down for long, looks at things differently, I can’t imagine you ever being beaten by anything… looking at this (Homework I had done on thought/behaviour management).. you are doing everything right’.
He was responding to his perception of my personality and in response to me expressing the anxiety I was feeling at the time, the pressures I am under regarding finding housing/affording rent, potentially being evicted from my current home etc. He went on to wonder: ‘What can I actually do to help you? You know all this’. (I’m a trained Psychotherapist).
This was my response:
“I am putting on a show for you. I am acting. Inside I am crumbling, it’s a habit to put on a mask”. What I didn’t say was: ‘It’s your job to see beyond the mask, but I should have. I continued: ‘And besides, we all need to be reminded sometimes what is good for us, I have a very poor support network and so although most of my problems are practical, I need someone to lean on emotionally to help me through this’. I shouldn’t have needed to explain this, I am lucky that I am constantly aware of ‘the observer’ but the result was spectacular – He got it.
In my life – this is rare.
How is this in your life?
Six weeks ago I was so overwhelmed that I literally lost the plot. I rocked like a baby, mumbled like a patient in a mental health unit – I was burnt to a frazzle.
The observer was saying : ‘This isn’t normal behaviour. I must be really sick’.
The observer is a constant presence… always aware.. always wise – always sane.
I am not who I appear to be.
Or am I?
Ayer Asher Ayer (I Am That I Am)
I hit some turbulence – But I was still me. All around me crumbled. But I still found the ability to love. I may have been abandoned. But I knew I would stand strong alone. The city within which I lived burned all around me. But I took the heat and took control. I free-fell from the highest peak without a safety net – again – again – again. But I DID surrender. I was thrown out from normality – to be embraced by my own strength. I was ostracised by expected helpers – punched in the gut repeatedly and with each punch – I got back up. Everytime I felt down – each time I was knocked off my centre – I turned it back around.
Here’s to skies with no ceiling….
Credits and Purchase: (NOT Affiliate Links) Please Support The Music Industry.
Music video by Nicole Scherzinger performing Boomerang. © 2013 Interscope
The above post is inspired by the song ‘Boomerang’ by Nicole Scherzinger – The reference to the lyrics in my post is to reflect how this song has impacted on my recovery. It is also to demonstrate the importance of music and lyrics – Music Heals so please support the Arts by purchasing music, publications, artwork, movie tickets, theatre tickets et al…. Artists gotta eat too! Bless you xx
They cling on for dear life.
Will you allow them to continue to cling?
Or will you retreat?
Yes – Retreat.
Into the shadows of Lightness
Down in the bowels of Heaven.
Dancing with Deities -
I Love You.
2013 – The Year for Peace
Please Share This Post
During the last few months I have reported on this blog my personal circumstances, losing my home, financial crises and, more importantly, my emotional and psychological responses to this. What I haven’t mentioned is abandonment. I have hinted at it, I have suggested it, inferred and skirted around it – but I have never used the word. The reason was this – I didn’t want to appear needy. This is dishonest so I am changing that.
Abandonment can take two forms – real or imagined. Perhaps this was another reason I hesitated in reporting back on this subject, I wasn’t sure if it was real or imagined. Now I am sure.
Many weeks ago I received three texts (SMS) from three friends on the same day saying very similar things: ‘I hope the worst has passed?’ ‘I want you to know that I still care’ ‘I am still here but very busy’ ‘I am on the edge myself’ ‘Take Care’. It was the ‘Take Care’ that did it for me – I knew that they had had enough and could support me no longer. They all have their own families and responsibilities and I am not blood-related. I get it. Their families must come first. This is the way it should be. But it was at this point that I truly went under. I thought to myself:
‘What is wrong with me?’ ‘I am unlovable’ ‘Nobody loves me’.
As I sat in the one room I could afford to heat in my apartment, staring at the walls, desperately looking for people amongst the mounds of worn clothes and empty boxes ready for my move into housing I was yet to be offered – I felt abandoned. I was again twelve years old.
There were two things going on here – when I was much younger, say around eight, my mum got up in the middle of the night, in a drunken/tranquilliser haze, and started packing a bag. I got up and asked what she was doing: ‘You’re going to the children’s home tomorrow’ she said. I can still feel the cold chills, fright and terror. I can still recall those images of how life would be in the children’s home – I really thought it was going to happen. The next day mum had completely forgotten the previous nights’ events and looked amused and confused when I asked if I was still going to the home.
I had been emotionally abandoned and the threat of physical abandonment loomed over my innocence.
The second aspect of this current abandonment was simple – the friends who text me simply were not strong enough for me to lean on. My situation reminded them of their own hidden fragility. It was just too much for them and I was angry. Very, very angry.
I am still angry – I am human – but I did and continue to do a practice that I learned from ‘How to See Yourself As You Really Are’ by HH the Dalai Lama:
Visualise someone who you are struggling with. Imagine that they are bereft of happiness. Really see their humanity then say:
‘This person is alone and bereft of happiness. He/She is in terrible pain and suffering. How nice it would be if they were to be happy and receive the causes of happiness’.
‘This person is alone and bereft of happiness. He/She is in terrible pain and suffering. May they be happy and receive the causes of happiness’.
‘This person is alone and bereft of happiness. He/She is in terrible pain and suffering. I will do all I can to help him/her to be happy and to receive the causes of happiness’.
I didn’t always manage the third one – it felt false and so I only took the practice that far when I was able to shift my anger to a level where I was truly genuine in my compassionate intent. But I have to say – this practice WORKED without a doubt and I continue to do this daily.
I have said this before in some posts – We cannot change other people’s behaviour – we can change our response to that behaviour. And hell, if the Dalai Lama is able to do it with the Chinese – my ‘tiny’ problems are a breeze!
Until Next Time,
Matt Chase, A Work In Progress
NB: The wording of the practice is paraphrased and not accurate – Please refer to ‘How to See Yourself As You Really Are’ if you are interested in this practice (Not an Affiliate link).
I was lucky enough to see the Dalai Lama in Manchester on the Sunday and Monday at the above conference. The above video clip was taken on the Saturday – a special day for under 25 year olds which was free of charge. Russell Brand is a controversial comedian in the UK and there was much criticism at this choice of host for the youth event. But here you can see His Holiness’s incredible acceptance, humility and humour – he did not judge Russell or his past, he made a joke of it – in a good and helpful way. There’s a comedy sketch in there somewhere… who wants to write it?
And for the record.. I think Russell Brand is fab… he showed great respect and I didn’t expect anything less.