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Quick! Grab This Post Whilst It’s Hot!

March 3, 2013

… What I actually mean is – Today is a good day (see my last post if you don’t know where I am at right now) so I am grabbing the chance to ride this wave of (temporary) creativity and say ‘Hello World!’ I just want to give you a quick run-through of what is happening on planet Matt right now (and you may recognise some events/symptoms):

  • I am still struggling financially (but now have some money coming in)
  • I haven’t yet paid my rent on my apartment for this month (and may not be able to)
  • I am now on the waiting list for Social Housing as that may be my only option
  • I have no idea whether my decisions and actions are rational or irrational
  • I am experiencing night sweats and palpitations
  • I am depressed (no sh#it, Sherlock!)
  • My body aches
  • I am experiencing extreme fatigue
  • I often avoid phone calls and speaking to people face-to-face
  • I am fearful

If you are new to my blog – stick with me kid, there’s a point to all this ‘negativity’…

  • I cannot get warm physically
  • My legs move and twitch of their own accord
  • I often flit from pits of despair to euphoria, back to weeping and then to a sense of numbness
  • The numbness is a welcome visitor
  • I over-react to ‘small’ situations and jobs I need to do
  • this list goes on… and on… and on…

What is happening to me?

I have burn-out, I am experiencing nervous exhaustion, I am clinically depressed and some of these symptoms are conducive with Bi-Polar Disorder – so take your pick.

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons, firstly – because it helps me to feel better, secondly, because I can now tell you from personal experience that sometimes, just sometimes – the drugs don’t work. And when I say ‘drugs’ I mean coping strategies….

Except…. I am still here.

Now please bear with me and let me explain what I just did – Depression (or even very, very low mood and stress if you can identify more with that) will do its darnedest to trick you into thinking that ‘Nothing works’ and ‘what’s the point?’ and whilst these symptoms and experiences are valid and still happening for me – I KNOW that what the practices and suggestions I made in the Lifting The Lid On Depression series actually do is this:

They keep me alive.

Do they improve my mood? Sometimes. Do they bring me money? No. Do they gently encourage me to not pamper to that suicidal thought? YES THEY DO.

Yep – today I am talking suicide. Let us all get this gremlin OUT and talk about it – most, not all I know, but most – people have thought about ending it all. Very often the root of this is financial loss, poverty, hunger – hopelessness.

But let me tell you something – there is something very liberating about being HONEST. Speaking the truth about being human is healing in itself.

The depths of darkness and depression can bring about breakthroughs.

I have not been walking my walk people. Take a look back at my posts (please) and notice where my ego pops in here and there. Spot where perhaps I haven’t actually experienced what I am talking about. Sure – I (usually) have the confidence to know that I am helping, to understand that my life and my training can really assist you – I know this. But sometimes that slippery little sucker (ego) slides on through and tricks us all into thinking that this way is right – that that way will manifest all our dreams, and that the other mental attitude will teach us “the secret” to Universal Laws (of Attraction).

When did you ever hear a Motivational Speaker, Coach, Inspirational Teacher, Trainer et al talk about suicide? When have you ever heard them say: ‘Hey people, sometimes, when you feel like absolute crap – this manifesting stuff just doesn’t work!’ or ‘Oh, we forgot to tell you – if you have nothing to start with, it’s damn near impossible to be positive about anything!’

You can’t manifest health (mental or physical, or financial for that matter) in the ‘new-age’, mystical, ‘The Secret’ kinda way – when you have NOTHING.

So what have I decided to do with all this?

I am going to build. From the ground up. I am also going to read back through my posts. I am going to see exactly what it means to be honest. I am going to learn precisely how I can use this honesty to help YOU. I am going to make sure that we never delude ourselves again with ‘Spiritual Materialism’.

But first:

I am going to heal myself. Because my dear, dear friends – I will be of no use to you if I implode now will I?

Until Next Time and Sending you so much love….

Matt xx

  1. I really hope you feel better soon and will send some loving, happy thoughts your way!

    Also, remember asking people to send you their darkness–have you ever considered that people are doing just that? Draw some boundaries, one cannot help when in need of help!

    • Hey April! That did indeed cross my troubled mind! God love me, actually as soon as I remembered that, it did lift somewhat. Thank you- much appreciated 🙂

      Taking deeeep breaths…. very deeeep breaths 🙂

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Something Is Happening. I Know Not What. | Matt Chase International
  2. What We Need (and what happens when we don’t get it) | Matt Chase International
  3. Going To Pieces Without Falling Apart – Part 1 | Matt Chase International
  4. Screw Business As Usual | Matt Chase International
  5. The Stigma of Mental Health | Matt Chase

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