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What to do with AGGRESSION

March 22, 2013

Okay so first things first – Yesterday in The Kindness of Strangers Part 1 I was having a good day, so I reported back.

Today. Not so much. So I’m reporting back:

 

The ‘I’s’ and ‘T’s’ that I referred to then have still not been crossed – actually, they have fallen off the page completely! In a nutshell, I was offered an apartment (yippee) with a Housing Association, not just that – my preferred Housing Association and  in one of my chosen areas!!! 🙂

Except:

After being told I was first in line, I was then called back to say I was SECOND in line because, in the words of the Housing Officer: ‘I happened to mention it to another person on the waiting list assuming she would say no, but she is interested pending an internal viewing. She is just before you on the list though’.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OK so (stick with me, you know how I work by now…) – Then my landlord chooses that very moment to text me: ‘Any news of payment yet? I am behind on my mortgage and need it A.S.A.P’ (Just for the record, this is untrue).

Now let me tell you: The guy knows I am moving due to financial stress – he also knows I have been unwell emotionally – and I have been his tenant for… drum roll please – EIGHT YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So…. today went from bad to worse… when ANOTHER housing association emailed thanking me for the information they requested (filled in TWICE because of a failure in their system) – then:

‘But you still need to get your landlord to fill the attached reference in.’

STRESS – at the best of times but when you (I) are under extreme pressure anyway and experiencing symptoms of burn-out – this kind of pressure can be, quite frankly, fatal.

SO WHAT DID I DO?

 

I cried a little. I murmured some. I thought about ending it all (I’m a tad dramatic).. then… I went into the bathroom, looked into the mirror – and screamed my head off to the point of hurting my tonsils.

I screamed and I screamed – until I could scream no more.

Then – I emailed my landlord instead of calling him (for his, not my protection) and kept strictly to the facts, going back and deleting any over-emotional, personal, or ‘You have done such and such’ wording because this simply will not help.

I then emailed back the housing association thanking them for letting me know they needed another reference and included the email to my landlord (which included the reference form).

PRACTICAL JOBS DONE.

Then:

I took a GREAT, BIG – BREATH. And I realised something:

Under the circumstances, stuff that – under any circumstances, I am doing remarkably well. Now I have already hinted heavily at how to handle aggression (get…it… OUT) – but here’s another clue and also a challenge:

I have felt pretty aggressive (and just in case you didn’t know, this is a symptom of fear) for just over a week now, periodically. I am pretty pissed off actually!!

But let me tell you this – for the last two weeks just a couple of my friends have vanished. Gone. Disappeared. Kaput.

Why?

Because they are terrified that my ‘ugly’ aggression will somehow smother them, hurt them or – worst of all – remind them of how they really feel (hence, how we sometimes must rely on… The Kindness of Strangers. And that’s okay).

So why else do we get aggressive sometimes? Because it can be a lonely place being real.

One final morsel of information for you – you cannot change the behaviour of others, you can, however – change your reaction to that behaviour. Letting any resentment OUT will enable you to respond – rather than react.

I hope that the above real-time example helps you in some way, however small.

Yours Truly,

Pissed off of Manchester.

Grrrrrrr……….

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From → 2013, Realism

2 Comments
  1. s1mpl33m33 permalink

    The way you handled that was pretty awesome. You should be proud of yourself. Stay strong. Stills will start to look up! x

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