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It Doesn’t Take Much

March 29, 2013

I’m reporting back.

Quick recap for the un-initiated:

I have experienced a mental breakdown triggered by massive financial, social, career and emotional pressures and loss – ‘pressures’ also referring to confusion and a questioning of my belief systems. This crescendoed in February but began way back in 2012 but I hadn’t noticed.

Right Now:

  • I am getting up earlier and am again meditating daily
  • My choice of foods has improved (having the money to buy food helps :-))
  • The ‘dips’ in mood don’t last so long now
  • I have dropped (some) misplaced pressures around responsibility:
  • Being – Debt collectors cannot legally hound me any more – so I told them this:
  • If I don’t have my rent money – I don’t have it and my deposit has me covered so far.
  • I have put MANY measures in place to ease my transition into more affordable housing
  • I have asked for help
  • I have actively sought free Psychological Therapy
  • I have put my money where my mouth is and used the Practices that I teach
  • I have finished a book I was working on (How did I manage that??!!)
  • I have published and marketed (to some degree) a book I was working on (Ditto!)
  • BUT:

It doesn’t take much to knock me off centre and bring me ricocheting back into fear, abandonment, loss, anger and depression – So I have learned something, just today actually so here it is in real-time:

Right now, in this moment – I am healthier and more balanced in my own space, communicating from a distance. This realisation is:

A COPING STRATEGY

 

If it helps, use it, if not – chuck it away. Now here is the small print:

I have noticed that there is a difference between isolating myself because ‘I’m not worthy’ (of friends/help/etc.) and  being in my own space. Being in my own space involves counting my achievements, having therapy (a positive interaction), writing – and preventing (some) others from dragging me back down again (‘misery loves company’ – IE: Misery will feed misery, which is different from venting to get it out of your system, such as writing it down or having therapy).

These are very important differences.

They are the difference between:

Aiding Recovery and Hindering Recovery.

 

Which choice do you prefer? This is my report back and I hope it helps.

Also – writing helps me to channel my anger. I am VERY angry! Being a Highly Sensitive Person – I see things differently. I become overwhelmed by injustice, poverty, blindness and bullying – all the aspects of financial struggles.

Just the other day I gave £1.00 to a homeless guy who was sitting wrapped in a sleeping bag outside a store. I simply popped the money into the paper cup he had on the ground in front of him – and he looked at me – he looked STRAIGHT INTO ME – with glistening eyes and an innocent smile and said: ‘Thank you’ – but he was saying so much more than that. I felt such a connection with him as if I was him.

Without empathy, I believe, we cannot really make a change in the world.

So in addition to my reporting back, I want you to do something for me –

If, after I am fully recovered, if when I am again in a safe home I can afford, when my business is back on track (I assume it is the writing but who knows?), when I am again happy, centred, calm – if I forget all I have learned (God I hope not!) – if my ego kicks in and I forget to help others –

REMIND ME.

 

Be the change you wish to see in the world’. You know who coined this phrase.

Let’s Do It,

Matt xx

Related Posts:

Are You Ready? Can You Help?

What We Need…

I Went for a Walk

Close To The Edge…

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3 Comments
  1. Atreyu Crimmins permalink

    Godspeed, Matt! Waes hael.

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