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Let’s Talk About Sex (Mature Content)

April 9, 2013

I thought that would grab your attention… you naughty thing you. I jest – there is nothing naughty about sex. But there are many aspects in today’s cultures – whether Western or Eastern – that can cause massive problems that snowball from the bedroom and out into our lives.

Sexual frustration caused by either not having enough sex, not having the ‘right’ sex, being addicted to sex, having a medical sexual dysfunction, taking medication that affects sex drive, doing what you want instead of what you need and – the biggest (in my opinion) cause of ‘dysfunction’ in and out of the bedroom – Not connecting emotionally when you have sex.

You can make love on a one night stand.

So why make it mechanical?

Why abandon your natural desire to be loved just to show face (put on an image you think others want to see)? I am mainly, but not exclusively, talking to the men reading this.

Communication is the key. Sometime ago I was working with a couple (male-female) who were having problems with their sex life, the female was having extra marital flings to satisfy a craving. The husband couldn’t understand why. Was he not good enough? Was he not ‘big enough’? Or was she simply being greedy?

Following a little delving around into both of their fears and experiences I said this to the husband:

Β ‘Her breasts are not car headlights needing a polish, they are a part of your wife’s body – make love to them as you would her as a whole’.

He was astonished at my directness, a little embarrassed and confused. He didn’t get it.

The gentleman’s wife immediately blurted out:

‘I’VE BEEN TELLING HIM THAT FOR YEARS!!!’ I am capitalising because she really did shout it out with such relief. This was a great move and I will tell you why:

They both laughed.

Humour had entered the situation and that led me onto talking about just that, telling them that sex is about having fun – enjoying getting it ‘wrong’ just as much as getting it right. BUT – we can’t do this if we’re not honest with each other.

So if your partner is doing the same old thing that you’ve never actually enjoyed, gently tell them. Take a soak together in the bath and explore each other – all over again. Re-ignite those lost embers, or set fire to a new flame – be honest, fun, adventurous and loving – even kink can be loving but more about that in another post. For now – let’s just talk about sex and see where it leads us all.

Matt, Still SexyΒ  πŸ™‚

Further Reading US:Β  (Straight/Bisexual Men and Woman)

The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading US: (Gay/Bisexual Men)

Men Loving Men: A Gay Sex Guide and Consciousness Book (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading US: (Lesbian/Bisexual Women)

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading UK: (Gay/Bisexual Men)

Men Loving Men: Gay Sex Guide and Consciousness Book (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading UK: (Lesbian/Bisexual Women)

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide (Kindle) (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading UK: (Straight/Bisexual Men and Women)

The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking (Affiliate Link)

NB: If I have missed anyone off I apologise and do let me know, I try to be as inclusive as possible and am happy to broaden my realm of understanding :-).

  1. pangirlbrit permalink

    I don’t like sex, if it doesn’t have emotion and connection in it. It’s not just fun, and it’s not just a game, It’s serious and you should be able to enjoy it ALL together, including the emotional connection and the physical connection.

    • For a second when you started ‘I don’t like sex’ I almost fainted…. but thankfully it all came good πŸ™‚

      Yes sex without the emotion can be very empty… I also find from my own behaviour and that of people I have worked with that this ‘type’ of sex becomes addictive – we search for that ‘something’ in the mechanics when actually… it isn’t there at all. By far the most enjoyable sex, in my opinion, is emotionally connected and that DOES include fetish and kink…

      So I’ve heard πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

      • Giggles From Manchester… πŸ˜‰

      • pangirlbrit permalink

        lol. I do like sex, Who doesn’t like sex? I mean except for people who are Asexual. I refuse to participate in sex with out true romantic emotions and connection. I don’t mind fetishes, it just depends on the fetish. like for example one where someone wants to “suck your toes”…not my type of fetish. Kinkiness is good, just as long as no one gets hurt in anyway.

      • lol now there’s nothing wrong with toe sucking…

        Cough cough πŸ˜‰

  2. Hey Angel, Yes it’s a tricky one isn’t it? Hormones being what they are, it’s easy to think ‘fuck it’ and then have a casual liaison that turns out to be mechanical so I applaud you for your choice… but I’m a man, I find that more difficult πŸ™‚

    I am going to play Devil’s Advocate, if I may – if you have chosen to be celibate, great! BUT if this is purely to avoid soulless sex… would that ‘I am Celibate’ energy not deter potential fantastically-in-tune-emotionally lovers? And/Or – Would that kind of energy have more of a tendency to attract people who were, in fact, not in touch emotionally/sexually?

    I am asking but also processing out loud – because I have been, cough cough, sort of celibate in the past and do wonder, on reflection, if it helped.

    Answers on a postcard…. πŸ˜‰

  3. PS and unrelated, I’ve sent a short story collection off today (manuscript) say a prayer πŸ™‚

  4. ‘It’s a vagina darling, not a solar eclipse’ you must trade mark that this instant!! Fooken fabulous.

    The artist reminds me so much of (some) Western Buddhist Monks, they refuse to personalise anything, thinking they are being all-worldly when in fact they are simply in denial about human suffering (their own)… ironic πŸ™‚

    The ‘I think we have a connection’ guy is REALLY common for… I’m gonna say it… people like us. And when I say people like us – I said when we first ‘met’ that you have a good energy, I could FEEL it, so he was right – You do have a connection, just not the kind you are looking for. Generally I find this the most frustrating because I see more than they do – there is certainly SOMETHING going on but it is, absolutely as you say, the mother in you he was connected to (and your vagina :-)) and for me, it’s usually the healer people connect to… sometimes the therapist. Rarely the lover.

    This can be a lonely place but also THANK GODDESS we know this and recognise it. otherwise we would be up shit creek without a canoe. πŸ˜‰

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