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To Know God

December 28, 2013

Do you know God? I hesitate to use the ‘G’ word for fear of rejection. The ‘G’ word means so many things to so many people. I don’t know what the ‘G’ word means for you. I do know what it means for me, so how about I tell you a little about it?

Last night I fell into a melancholic pit so deep I feared I would be eaten whole.

I text Charlotte, a friend who I have mentioned to you before saying: ‘I am deeply lonely and wanted to say it out loud!’ Charlotte replied with her all-time favourite quote, it’s by Hafiz:

“Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly. Let it cut you more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can”.

I had to read the quote a few times to understand it, simply because I first thought it had said ‘Don’t surrender to your loneliness’ but of course, Hafiz is suggesting the opposite.

What I hadn’t told Charlotte in that text was that just a few moments before I had surrendered onto my bed crying uncontrollably and screaming:

“I’m so lonely. There, I said it!” and a voice, that voiceless voice I know to be God (and me, we are one and the same) whispered:

“You just need to let go. That is all”. My response came instantly:

“I don’t know how to!”

I am blushing as I write this, ashamed that I am exposing a vulnerable part of my nature to you. Maybe I am not as good at ‘not knowing’ as I thought I was. Maybe God taught me this truth last night. Maybe not but the fact remains:

Right now, in this moment – I don’t know how to let go.

There. I said it.

With so much love you could go: POP!

Matt Chase xx

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