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Disconnected Connections Part 1

January 23, 2014

Have you noticed recently? The more you try to connect, the further away people seem to be.

Maybe it’s just me. Perhaps I am too aware. I wonder if other people don’t have this problem.

Some years ago, three to be precise, I consulted with an astrologer. I asked her: ‘When will I find my tribe? It seems that I have all these people in my life, but I feel no connection to them. It’s like I am on the outskirts of their lives and they have a whole other, more important, Universe going on that I am not a part of’. She looked down at her notes and then up to the computer screen. Clicking through the years she said: ‘It’s sooner than you think: 2016’.

Fuck.

That was not – and is not – sooner than I thought. I was, like, thinking, the week after next.

A dear friend of mine, whom I have known for some years, called me on Christmas Eve to see how I was (I have no family and she knew I would be spending the Season alone) and we had a lovely chat for over an hour. We talked about families, lack of families and the like. There was a connection. I have to say though, I also sensed a disconnection but didn’t know why. I didn’t hear from my friend again until the beginning of January. Thus what had happened was very simple – I had intuitively sensed the disconnection before it had happened.

Wowsers. This was a light bulb moment for me that enabled me to drop those feelings of abandonment because I was fully prepared. Maybe not consciously prepared but prepared no-less.

My friend is still my friend, of course, but I do not trust her. Yes, that does sound awful, but think about it this way: some months ago I was injured in a Taekwon Do (Martial Art) class I had been attending for some time. I was injured because I had gone against my intuition and instead gone with my instructor’s advice of: ‘You must trust your training partner’ so into the ring I went to spar with this guy who had just been dumped by his girlfriend.

Three bruised ribs later…

“That’s stupid advice!” My Teacher (Spiritual Teacher and Guru) bellowed at me from her desk in the consulting room three weeks following the injury. I limped into her ‘surgery’ as she calls it, apologised for the occasional ‘Oooh, Ow, Oh’ as I painfully positioned myself on the consulting chair.

This threw a completely different light on the subject of trust for me.

Now, even when I am desperate for a connection – I trust that feeling of disconnectedness within me. I rarely, if ever, trust another human being.

I know.

Doesn’t that sound strange?

Actually – it is incredibly liberating and I say this with absolute love.

Until Next Time (and more on this subject later…)

Matt XhugsX

PS: If you are single and have no family, you will know that the above scenario is a regular Seasonal pattern often overlooked. Your friends will ‘tick you off’ the ‘To Do’ list by calling on or around the 22nd December, then this ‘Just One Day’ results in you being alone until the beginning of January as your friends leave for the homeward journey. I am lucky, I have two ‘rocks’ in my life who, whilst of course prioritising their family commitments, do still find time to connect with me at Christmas via text and telephone. At some point I will be re-visiting this issue, maybe via a book. I attended a ‘Coping With Xmas’ course before Christmas and found it so soul destroying (at one point the facilitator brought the Christmas Crackers out and told us all to pull them and tell the joke inside. If you’re with me on this one – you’ll be cringing about now) that I decided I would love to reach out to people from an empathic standpoint – an honest place of integrity where I can say: “Yes, Christmas on your own is shit. So let’s look at how we can manage that shit the best we can”. Rather than – ‘It’s just one day on the calendar, treat it like any other’ which was the stance of the ‘Coping With Christmas’ course (just before he got the Christmas Crackers out… yes, I know).

More on this at a much later date but in the meantime, if there is anything I can look into for you, an angle you would like me to cover – do get in touch….

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