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Disconnected Connections Part 2

January 26, 2014

In Disconnected Connections I mentioned a friend whom I feel connected to, yet disconnected. In More About Disconnection I discussed timing and just why, sometimes, ‘real’ connections cannot be made. I also discussed trust and how my Teacher (Spiritual Teacher) had assisted me in seeing the issue of trust more clearly.

The friend whom I mentioned in Part 1 today asked me why I didn’t feel as connected to her as with Jeremy and Christopher (not their real names, I mentioned them in several posts). Now you may have gathered by my blog that I am very honest. I am also very forthright. At the same time, the older I get the more room I try to give people, just in case they don’t really wanna know. So I gave her room:

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes” She replied

“How honest do you want me to be?”

“I want honesty. That’s what I want. I sense something between us and I want to know what it is” She encouraged

“Ok. I don’t trust you” I honestly replied

“Could you expand on that?” She (excuse me not using her name, I don’t even want to make one up out of respect for her privacy) prodded

“Are you sure you want me to?” I insured myself

“Yes!” She responded

“Ok. Firstly I want to say that I am not saying you need to change, you are who you are, but you have asked me why there is a lack of connection and why I don’t trust you. So I am answering that question. I find you very selfish. That’s you, and that’s okay. From my standpoint, on a practical level, if and when I needed you I feel that you wouldn’t be prepared/willing to go out of your way to be there to help me. Therefore I don’t trust you. That’s okay because I have Jeremy and Christopher who I know from experience can and will be there to lean on”.

Now – this level of honesty, I feel, is unusual. Please stay with me because believe it or not – you were on my mind the whole time during this conversation with my friend and I want to say something to you in a moment.

To cut a very long story short, my friend didn’t agree with me and said we needed to work on the connection and trust etc. Then ‘it’ happened – that crucial ‘it’ moment in any conversation when the penny drops for you (and me): as my friend hugged me – bearing in mind I had been very, very honest about my standpoint and also given examples of when she hadn’t been there and was perhaps unaware that she had been needed – within the hug she whispered:

“You just need to let people in sweetheart. I am going to leave you with that”.

Before this, my dear friend had also said that I needed to be clearer when asking for help. Instead of ‘I feel suicidal’ (a text I had sent her once when she asked how I was, and don’t worry dear reader, this was some months ago – I’m fine now) I ‘should’ have said ‘I need some help’.

And this is when I thought of you:

My God, I thought, as my friend hugged me, have I made people think it’s all their fault? Do I encourage people to think that they need to SCREAM OUT LOUD before anyone will come running? Have I given the impression that you have to be always responsible for yourself? (Because contrary to popular belief – you don’t) and have I written about connectedness and trust in a manner that may make you think if it isn’t happening – it’s you that’s doing something wrong?

In ‘The Smoking Gun’ I encouraged you all to ‘Ask. For. Help’. My heart is skipping a beat as I write this to you, my mouth drying, chest laboured and eyes moist – If you happen to be in a position when, for whatever reason, you are unable to ask for help –

That’s Okay.

I love you.

You are human and you are doing the best you can.

If, for whatever reason, you do not trust someone in your life right now, but you still love them – that is your intuition informing your actions.

This trust in yourself (the only human being you can ever really trust, actually), is simply a perfectly natural, self-nourishing way to live your life without being kicked in the ribs.

I’m all for not getting beaten up – what say you? 😉

Much Love,

Matt xx

PS A little more on asking for help/responsibility tomorrow.

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2 Comments
  1. “You are human and you are doing the best you can.” That, succinctly, pretty much sums it up for me, Matt.

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